“If
you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall”
--1
Corinthians 10:12
What is dating?
Dating is a part of human mating process
whereby two people meet socially for companionship, beyond the level of
friendship, or with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a
partner in an intimate relationship.
It is not friendship;
neither is it courtship or marriage.
Why I started
dating?
Whatever we all do in
life, I know quite well that it is influenced or driven by an intention, reason
or purpose.
I started dating in my
early teen’s life.
I had my reasons.
Whatever you may think of me doesn’t matter. My reasons are my reasons…
1. I wanted to have a taste of what sex is all about. Yes!!! There is no point deceiving myself.
With all I have heard and watch about sex experience, it was enough for me to
venture into dating. I had a lot of casual female friends, but I needed a
relationship that can give me a ticket to the sex world.
(I hope you know what I mean). (# Bad Digestion: Eating bone without
having teeth).
2. I wanted to play along the crowd—my male
friends. I didn’t want to be left out in the ‘big boys with their babe’ trend.
I didn’t want to be weird or dull among my buddies and pals. (#Negative peer
pressure is always an open grave).
3. I felt I was in love and I desire strongly to
follow my heart affection. I never really understood the difference between
love, lust and infatuation. (#the heart of man is really deceptive!)
4. I wanted to prove that I had grown and was no
longer that yesterday kid and that I could take responsibility. I didn’t want
anybody to look down on me. I believed if I had my own girlfriend I would be
respected by friends and others. (#Pride goeth before destruction).
The Power of Purpose
and Right Reasoning
I started dating for
what I believe are all wrong reasons for dating…
You need to pause and
think deeply. You need to do self-examination and evaluation to discover the
reason why you are dating (if you are ready in one) or why you want to engage
in dating relationship (if you are thinking about starting one).
My experience while
dating is nothing to right about. I believe the lessons I learnt from my
failure and mistakes are powerful tools that will empower you for a great
success when it comes to dating and sexual purity.
Lack of positive
purpose and right reasoning before starting a dating relationship will always
lead to disaster at the end. Many relationships have been abuse, broken and
destroyed because of failure to ask the right and honest questions.
A lot of people, like
me, are entering into dating relationship for all the wrong reasons because of
their POOR MENTAL FITNESS AND BELIEF SYSTEM.
Know this: Dating is not an experimental relationship
for you to test-run a person to see if he/she can perform or if the person can
meet your numerous demands.
Ask yourself
this: “Am I ready to date now?” “Do I even need to date?”
Right reasoning
produces right and positive purpose.
Your intention will
determine your approach.
You must change your
mentality if you want to succeed in the issue of sexuality as a youth or
single.
My Pursuit of Sexual
Purity
What is Sexual Purity?
Sexual purity means ‘to be free from all forms
of sexual perversion and immorality. It is living in victory over sexual lust and temptation’. It is sexual abstinence, not just in your
body but also your heart, mind and spirit.
In year 2006,
when I became a Child of God, by accepting Jesus Christ into my Life as my Lord
and Saviour, I made a decision to pursue after sexual purity. My dream, my top value and priority as a
Youth and Single was to live a life of sexual purity and to honor and worship
God with my body. I was not ready to compromise this great dream for anything
or anyone. I was ready to do all it takes to pursue and embrace sexual purity
with all determination and energy.
I was told by many,
including some Christians, that it is impossible to attain sexual purity in a sex-crazy
world we live in. I was told that my vision of a world of sexual morality I seek as a Youth is nothing but a delusion and fantasy.
(Maybe I was the next Harry Potter). In short; I must give up and play along
with the crowd…after all, even many Christians are doing it—AND GOD
UNDERSTANDS!
But I never give in to
the discouragement; neither did I succumb to people, worldly pressure, opinion
or conviction. I have made up my mind.
THREE THINGS THAT MADE
ME PURSUE AFTER SEXUAL PURITY—YOU ALSO SHOULD FOLLOW SUIT.
I saw some things in the Word of God (the Bible) that shocked and motivated
me to pursue my holy dream.
1. 1 Thessalonians 4:3, “God's will is for you to be holy, so stay
away from all sexual sin”. #Truth: God’s Will is sexual purity. It is a divine command; not an option.
2. 1 Corinthians 10:13, “The temptations in your life are no
different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow
the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will
show you a way out so that you can endure”. #Truth: God is neither wicked
nor selfish. He cannot tell us to do what we are not capable of.
3. Luke 1:37, “For with God nothing shall be impossible. #Truth: God
alone has the power that can help us to walk in sexual purity.
God told Abraham,
“Walk before me and you will be blameless (Genesis 17:1). So therefore, if I
walk with God, I will automatically walk in sexual purity. (TOP SECRET).
Why I stop dating?
Choosing not to engage
in dating relationship is not a sin; but sexual immorality is a sin and
wickedness.
A lot of young growing
Christian have ask me questions like, “Is it wrong to have a boyfriend?” “I
want to live a pure life sexually but I love my girlfriend. Can I keep her and
still achieve my desire?”
Your Decision in life
will determine your direction
Let me share with you
some few challenges I faced while I was dating that made me to give up such
relationship experience.
1. It creates a strong doorway to sexual
immorality. Dating is the most
popular medium that has lead many young people into falling into sexual
temptation. Dating relationship is more of romance and kissing than more of pep
talks. It promotes the spirit of lust more than the spirit of love among young
people. I was not ready to disappoint God, dishonor my body and fail in my quest to attain sexual
purity. The pressure to have sex was too much I could handle. I had to make a
decision. I KISSED DATING GOODBYE BECAUSE IT WAS A BIG THREAT TO MY SEXUAL
PURITY DREAM!!!
2. It demands commitment, faithfulness and
responsibility. Young people must be
aware of these traits if they must succeed in dating relationship. In dating,
it demands you always spend time alone with your partner. Both of you would
like to hangout in some cool places and try to make the relationship romantic
and sweet. The demands of dating created a serious distraction to my life, to
my service to God and my career as a growing youth. I KISSED DATING GOODBYE BECAUSE
I WANTED TO STAY FOCUS AND MAKE PROGRESS IN LIFE!
3. It can lead to heart break and emotional
bondage. When your dating
relationship does not have sense of direction, it will definitely lead to
disaster and heartbreak. You need to know that dating is not friendship,
neither is it courtship. So, you must make your intentions clear to your
partner. Long dating will only lead to confusion, bondage and stagnation.
Please we must not play with people’s heart. It is delicate. Do not give your
partner false hopes and leave he/she empty. Don’t date to experiment like me. I
KISSED DATING GOODBYE BECAUSE I NEVER WANTED TO BREAK ANY PERSON’S HEART!
I want you to
understand something here. I am speaking from my personal experience I had with
three girls I dated. But I am not telling you that because I failed you will
also fail. No. I am not also telling to make a decision to follow my path. No.
LET ME MAKE THIS
CLEAR:
The problem of sexual
immorality is not dating; it is spirit of lust.
Dating is not a sin;
sexual immorality is.
Just because I quit
dating doesn’t mean it is evil.
But I want you to
think about these things seriously.
There is a great
challenge in walking in sexual purity and keeping your date as a young person.
You may think you are
so wise and strong and you are handle every demand and pressure that comes you
way. Congratulation, you are better than me—go ahead!!!
But if you think we
are on the same page… I mean if you believe you can’t handle the pressure and
demand that comes with dating, you can follow my path. Please do not let dating
destroy your relationship with God just because you want to satisfy your
emotions.
If you feel that it is
a threat to your walk in sexual purity, please do not hesitate to quit like me.
To me; my decision to
stop dating and pursue sexual purity was perhaps the best decision I have made
as a youth/single.
I am not saying that
when you don’t do dating, you will be free from sexual temptation. (Far from it). Of course, I know very well
that if you do not fornicate in dating, you can still be tempted to masturbate
when you are alone.
This lesson is not to
give you a conclusion, but to lay a strong foundation for right reasoning and
wise decision making.
Remember…
Pursue after sexual
purity and be ready to do whatever it takes to embrace her.
Rufus Yamoah
Sexual Morality
Counselor
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
“Wherefore
God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to
dishonor their own bodies between themselves”. – Romans 1:24
The act of Fingering
is a sexual activity is so common among teens and young adults.
In fact, it is said
that, according to some reports, many Christians would strongly refuse to
engage in sexual intercourse, but will willingly accept the pleasure of
Fingering Sex.
So; what then is FINGERING?
Fingering is a simple
term, is a sexual act whereby a person places one or several fingers inside
someone’s vaginal or anus to give sexual stimulation or satisfaction.
Some facts about
Fingering Sex are that:
It is a more common
sexual practice for lesbians.
It is a one sided
affair when it comes to sexual pleasure. (Girls are mainly fingered by boys)
It is also a practice
for masturbation.
The Power of Thought
It is true that the
battle of sex and sexuality is a battle of the mind. Our sexual behaviors and
actions is mostly connected, influenced and driven by our SEXUAL BELIEF SYSTEM.
What do people who
engage in Fingering Sex thinks?
They think it is more
enjoyable… (This is crazy)
They think it is
safer… (True; perhaps no unwanted pregnancy)
They think it
preserves their virginity… (Gush! fat lie)
They think it is a
holy alternative to avoid sexual intercourse and still satisfy their sexual
passion… (Funny; this belief is common among many young Christians)
Really…You
Need to Know the Truth That Will Blow Your Mind
1. You are not a virgin if you are engaging in
fingering sex. (Sound hard,
right?). You see, a lot of people who practice this sexual activity think it is
an escape route from losing their virginity but never know that it is rather a
fast-lane to losing their pride and dignity. Listen; if you think that
virginity is only lost when a person engage in sexual intercourse, then you are
probably living in ‘Disney World’ and you know nothing about sexual purity and
morality. Vagina fingering is medically called digital penetration of the
vagina. When this is done roughly, it can lead to breaking of the hymen, thereby losing your virginity. (Maybe you need to carry out
your own research!). Of a truth, people are destroyed because of lack
of knowledge. (Hosea 4:6).
2. Medically speaking and health precaution, it
may not be good for teens and their physical development. It can cause
irritation in the sensitive genital area. Also, remember that unwashed hands
can transfer germs when fingering. This can cause vaginal infection. Be careful.
3. You must understand that every form of
sexual pleasure and satisfaction that is not derived within the context of a
man and his wife is sinful and immoral before God. As a Single/Youth,
you must offer your body as a living sacrifice, but if you want sexual pleasure
you should go and get married in other to fulfill your sexual urge. (Please
check Romans 12:1, 1 Corinthians 7:1) FULL STOP!
4. Fingering Sex, such as masturbation, is
influenced by an unclean spirit. Unclean spirit is the enemy of our
sexual purity walk and it causes us to dishonor our body. It can cause us
to become addictive to fingering sex. Unclean spirit always makes us to become
sexually dirty, carnal and selfish. In this junction, we must resist
and overcome by prayers and feeding on the Word of God which is able to clean
and pure.
5. Fingering Sex can also be seen as sexual
compromise. Christian boys and girls are compromising their stand for truth and
holiness when they engage in this sexual activity. They see fingering sex as a
holy alternative to quench the fire of their sexual urge without hurting God.
(After all, there is no place it is written in the Bible that it is wrong!).
Listen; if you think fingering sex is the water that will cool off your
sexual fire…please think twice!!! (I am speaking from experience!)
6. Fingering Sex can also be classified as sexual
manipulation. By this I mean—for the guys— if you know that you don’t want to
have sexual intercourse with a lady, there is absolutely no point trying to
arouse or stimulate her sexually. And also—for the ladies/girls—if you don’t
want to have sexual intercourse with a guy, don’t let him finger you for your
sexual satisfaction. (Note: A guy can be fingered through his anus.
Horrible!). Manipulation is wickedness and selfishness. It is an enemy of love.
My Advice…
You want to know my
candid advice for people who engage in fingering sex?
CUT OFF YOUR FINGERS!
You heard me well…I
said cut off your fingers or if possible your hands. After all, Jesus also gave
that same counsel (Matthew 5:27-30).
I found out that,
people who do not hands cannot practice fingering sex. Well, for those of us
who have hands and not know what to do with them…maybe you should take my
advice and cut off those fingers. (What a JOKE!)
I AM JUST KIDDING…
Seriously, if our aim
is to walk in sexual purity, we must discipline ourselves and stop this
practice. Less I forget…I SAY I TOLD YOU TO CUT OFF YOUR HANDS…but
please change your heart!!!
Live in freedom and victory…Walk
in sexual purity.
Rufus Yamoah
Sexual Morality
Counselor
Thursday, January 8, 2015
BIBLE
TEXT: GENESIS 34
Memory Verse: “He sent
forth His Word and healed them; and delivered them from their destruction”.
(Psalm 107:20)
We are living in a
world where corruption has been branded civilization; where sexual immorality
is considered cultural modernization and violence and wickedness has become the
trusted tool to gain quick wealth, fame and power.
In this article, we
will be addressing a serious issue that has paralyzed our world and destroy the
lives of many young and old. That issue is RAPE AND SEXUAL MOLESTATION.
Before we go deeper
into this important topic, we want first and foremost get the definition of
terms and meanings.
What is RAPE?
The word ‘RAPE’ is derived
from the Latin word ‘rapere’ meaning to ‘to snatch; to grab, to carry off”.
Rape is a sexual
violence or crime usually involving sexual intercourse or any other form of
sexual penetration perpetrated against a person without that person’s consent.
What is SEXUAL
MOLESTATION?
Sexual molestation,
better known as Sexual assault, is a sexual misconduct whereby a person uses
his/her position to compel or stimulate an adult or child to engage in unwanted
sexual activity by means of harassment, threat or punishment.
THE PAINFUL EXPERIENCE
OF RAPE
“And Dinah the
daughter of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob, went out to see the daughters of
the land. And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, Prince of the Country,
saw her, she took her, and lay with her, and defiled her”. (Genesis 34: 1 &
2)
This story is one of
the saddest in the entire Bible. The experience of rape is not an experience
anyone would ever wish to have a taste. It is as terrible as death itself.
Dinah never knew that
she would be raped on that fateful day. She just wanted to socialize with her
acquaintance. Like so many rape victims all over the world, many had this
horrible experience of rape while on relationship dating; some were raped by
their blood relative, even some by their spouse. Some were raped when they were
little as a child; some during war, some while in prison; some were raped by an
individual, while some by a group of gangsters.
Let me share with you
some of the bad effects of rape/molestation can cause in the lives of its
victims:
1. Serious Guilt and Self-blamed
2. Low self-esteem and image
3. Negative Imaginations and Nightmares
4. Sexual dysfunction
5. Post- traumatic stress disorder
6. Depression
7. Mental illness
8. Physical injury
9. Suicidal ideation (attempt killing of self)
10. Sexual transmitted infections
11. Unwanted pregnancy.
Listen to me; whatever
your case may be. Whether you are a victim or you know of someone who has been
sexually molested…I have a word from the Lord for you.
A WORD OF EMPOWERMENT
FOR YOU
Are you a rapist or
you simply like to take advantage of your authority, physical strength or
cleverness to molest, compel or stimulate others’ sexually?
Or maybe, like Dinah,
you have being raped/sexually molested once or perhaps many times…
IT IS NOT OVER WITH
YOU.
Simeon and Levi,
brothers of Dinah, decided to take matters to their hands. According to the
story in Genesis 34, they decided to kill every male personality in the
community.
But here is the plain
truth: Revenge is never a solution for rape even when it seems like the
heart-driving option. Killing can never bring healing or restoration to the
soul.
I have the sure
Answer.
No long sermon. JESUS
is the Answer. The Holy Spirit is the Answer. Our Father God is the Answer. The
Word of God has the Answer.
John chapter 10 verses
10 say, “the thief cometh not, but to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am
come that they might have life and that they might have it more abundantly”.
Ø To the rapist: JESUS CAME TO SAVE SINNERS…
(Matthew 9:13)
Ø To the rape victim: JESUS CAME TO HEAL THE
BROKEN HEARTED…(Psalm 147:3)
Steps
To Take To Receive Freedom
1. Ask the Lord Jesus for forgiveness and
cleansing for your spirit, soul and body.
2. Forgive whoever raped you or harassed you
sexually. Let go every form of bitterness, vengeance, hatred in your heart in
the Name of Jesus.
3. Use the Blood of Jesus to uproot every deposit
the devil has invested in your life as a result of such experience.
4. Bind, cast and destroy every demonic attack,
curse and oppression confronting you as a result of the ugly experience.
5. Be ready to start a new spiritual journey and
life with the Lord Jesus Christ. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
6. Healing is a process. You need to make the
word of God your best companion and also have a good and godly Counselor who
will guide you in such a time.
To your victory,
Rufus Yamoah
Sex Morality Counselor
Rufus Yamoah
Sex Morality Counselor
What is sexual immorality?
21 noi 2007 | ora 13.17 | Society
29 297 75
Klass35
The
times we live in are those in which the true values are inverted or even
perverted. Their meaning is distorted from good into evil. After a 70 years
period of socialism and atheism people do not longer make the difference
between good and evil. That’s why, it is necessary to define these values
again. So, what is sexual immorality? Some say that immoral is only when you
are unfaithful to your partner of marriage. In this article I want to make a
larger presentation of what God defines in the Bible as sexual immorality.
Adultery
Adultery
is every sexual act where at least one of the implied persons are a part of the
covenant of marriage. God is very categorical in regards to this sin and He
says in the 10 commandments:
You
shall not commit adultery. (Exodus 20:14)(NASB)
This was such a grave sin that
it had to be punished with death, as the following passage says:
If there is a man who commits
adultery with another man’s wife, one who commits adultery with his friend’s
wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death. (Leviticus
20:10)(NASB)
Fornication
Fornication
is the sexual act where only unmarried persons are involved. Today, a very
wrong opinion is spread that it is sin only to change your partner, but if you
are unmarried, you are free to have sexual relations with the person you like.
Even some girls, that have decided to be virgins until marriage, are mocked by
the other girls around them. Fornication is a sin as grave as adultery because
it affects gravely the future marriage and the eternal fate of that person. The
Bible writes in this sense:
Marriage
is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for
fornicators and adulterers God will judge. (Hebrews 13:4)(NASB)
According
to the cited biblical verse, those who commit adultery defile trough this their
future marriage and the marriage bed, that is their sexual relation. No one
will be able to rejoice of a defiled sexual relation, but it will transform
his/her future wife or husband in an unguilty victim. That’s why, if you are a
man, it is important to propose marriage to a virgin and a righteous girl, and
if you are a girl, to get married to a man, who didn’t live immorally. It is
true that such kind of men are fewer, but they still exist. I was very glad and
I praised the Lord when I heard the statement the Brazilian footballer made to
journalists, that he had been virgin before his marriage and he hadn’t ever had
any sexual relations with another woman. This is a real MAN and a powerful
Christian, that wasn’t defeated by the pressure of the time or of the thinking,
that is “in fashion”. Follow up his example! Hold your future marriage and your
marriage bed undefiled.
Sexual perversions
These
are a great evil and in our world the immoral people try to present them as
something normal, calling them “untraditional sexual orientation”. God calls
them in the Bible “abominations” and “ defiled things” and He gives a list of
them. Here is the list:
None
of you shall approach any blood relative of his to uncover nakedness; I am the
LORD. (Leviticus 18:6)(NASB)
In
continuation, the text defines clearly who are considered blood relatives, with
which the marriage is banned. These are the parents, the step parents, the
sister, the brother, the nephew, the niece, the aunt, the sister of the
brother, the aunt from the uncle, the daughter-in-law, etc. All these sexual
relations are incest. After that, the list continues with other things that are
defined as perversions:
You
shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination. Also
you shall not have intercourse with any animal to be defiled with it, nor shall
any woman stand before an animal to mate with it; it is a perversion. Do not
defile yourselves by any of these things; for by all these the nations which I
am casting out before you have become defiled. (Leveticus 18:22–24)(NASB)
Immorality of the mind
This
is another way of immorality that is very spread and when a man begins to
practice such kind of immorality, he will necessarily start to practice some of
them or maybe all of those written above. What does immorality of the mind
mean? Lord Jesus defines it in this way:
But I
say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already
committed adultery with her in his heart. (Matthew 5:28)(NASB)
The
sinful nature provokes every man to lust sexually another woman than the one
that is his wife. But, every man is responsible to learn to control his mind
and his eyes, because who looks at a woman with lust has already committed
adultery with her in his heart, and the adultery committed in the heart is
equivalent to the one committed physically, because it will finally lead you to
physical immorality of all kinds. That’s why, it is important to learn to
control your thoughts and your eyes. The righteous Job said in regards to this:
I
have made a covenant with my eyes; how then could I gaze at a virgin? (Job
31:1)(NASB)
Today, people led by the wickedness of their heart,
have developed a whole industry of pornography. A very great part of Internet
pages contain pornography. “Playboy” magazine, that is one with an immoral
content and that spreads much immorality in the world, has 15 million readers
and is one of the most read magazine in the world. If these people only
realized how much evil they had brought in the their lives and families through
this magazine, they wouldn’t have bought it. Unfortunately, when they realize
this evil, it is too late, because their own lives and their own families have
already been destroyed.All these practices that have been listed above are sexual immorality that brings very many grave consequences unto people’s lives.
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